no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
