I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
