Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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