she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
