PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
