It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
