break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
