You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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