Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
