if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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