Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
