Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
