i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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