everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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