if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
