He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
