now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
