So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
