Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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