I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
