Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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