i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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