dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
