Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
