i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
