I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i dont even know how to be here
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
