Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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