Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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