Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
