My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
