My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
