At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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