even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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