If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
