I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
