Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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