i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
