You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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