Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
