DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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