They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize