Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
