I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's shark week go big or go home
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
