Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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