I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize