she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
