I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
