He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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