I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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