Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
