Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
