I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
