I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
