Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
