I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
