my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
