Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
