Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
