is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
