if only i could text you this smell
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
