I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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